Teared apart of fear

The fear that breaths in my heart
Tears me slowly apartI can hardly breath
The panic flows up in my lungs
A word vomit is stuck to my tounge
I´m screaming in to the pillow, pain, pain
Over and again

I´m shaking, starring into the wall as I lay in my bed
I start to hit myself, try to bang the voices out of my head
They keep reminding me of everytime I´ve got hurt
Remind of every lie I´ve heared

I feel so weak and cold
So lonly and forgotten

I wish I was somewhere else
With someone to warm me
Hold me and comfort me


I hate being alone
I alway start to hear these voices
That remindes me of what I want to forget

I wish I had a beutiful voice so I could sing to you

I really wish that I could sing
I wish that I had a beutiful voice
Cause in that case I would sing for you
Sing from my heart
Songs of love, that I wrote just for you
Maybe the you would understand
How much I really love you
You know.. my heart beats only for you
And no one else
I wish I had a voice like an angel
Then I would sing for you
Straight from the heart
Songs about how much I love

I can´t explain how much I love you

I can´t explain all my feelings
How much I actually love you
You are the light in my life
The only one that keeps me alive

It´s so hard for me to explain
I can´t find the right words
No, you are something else
Something speciall

And that scars me so
Cause I´m not like you
No, I´m just like everyone else
There is nothing speciall with me

I´m not worthy you
No, I´m not worth anything
But still you are with me
Still you say that you love me..

Am I dreaming?
This can´t be true
How can someone like you love someone like me?

Obsessed with death

You asked me why I´m so obsessed with death
And I couldn´t find an answear
There is something....just something..
Unexplainable..
I guess I love the pain
Blood sticking to my skin
Beutiful scars that are so vain
It´s like they are filling an empty hole..
Deep inside of me..

And I can´t help but to be courius
What would happend if I died?
Is there a so called brighter side?
Does a heaven exist?
Or maybe I would be able to start over again
But I´m not only obsessed with death
No, it scars me to
What if death is worser than life
Maybe it´s more painful

Who knows?... only the dead does
The wandering souls around us
Should I ask?
Would they answear me?
Or even hear me?

I tried to ask my dead brother
I have always believed since I was a kid, that he is my guardian angel
And I still do
But when I asked him
I started to panic
Someone started to drag me around the hall
Hurted me,laugh at me

Whispering: I can´t stop, I´m to obsessed

Why can´t they kill me?
Why just play with me!?

Where am I?
What´s happening?

I take the knife, life is to scary to me
And so are death
But I guess I´m just to obsessed

How can you love her? correctly me..

How can you love such a freak?
A girl who is just to weak
She is made of insecurities
And makes to many securities
How can you love a gril who refuse to believe you?
She refuse to believe a word you say
Why do you still stay?
She is spyko, there is to much violents in her heart
Why don´t you just leave her and tear her apart?
She want you to love her forever
But she knows that she´s not worth it, has she ever?
No she can´t find a reason why
So she is scared that you´ll lie
Why do you love her?
Why not just leave her?
She´s fucked up, can´t erase the memories
She hear voices, see things that doesn´t exist, the deamon enemies


How can you love her?
Or correctly... how can you love me?

._.

Screaming out words that nobodys hears

Words of the pain I´ve bin carried this past eight year

I can scream right into your ear

But you will still not hear...

want to be fake

Don´t be fooled by my smiles and laughter, it´s all fake

The fake words I say, the fake wounds I make

It´s just a game, I´m just a trick

You should know better then to trust me

I´m just playing with you all

So I can hurt you, like you hurt me

You better not trust me

Don´t you see?

I´m all fake, you can´t trust me

Gammal dikt...

Ensamhet dödar en långsamt och smärtsamt

Långsamt sprids smärtan genom hela kroppen

Tills den inte orkar röra sej mer

Ända tills det bara är tomma tankar och gråt kvar

Blodfläckar överallt, sängen, golvet, väggen..

Såren är djupa, svider o bränns

Inget är som du tror, inget är förlåtet

I AM:

I´m angry, your the one to blame
I´m sad, I´m never going to be the same
I´m hungry, never eat enough
I´m mad, the pain is just to rough

I love you

I love the way you make me so happy
And the ways you show you care
I love the way you say ”I love you”
And the way you are always there

I love you with all of my heart
My body and my soul
I love the way I keep loving
Like a love I can´t control

I love you today
As I have from the start
I´ll love you forever
With all of my heart

Dikter: I´m dead

Dikter: I´m dead

I´m dead

Out of my throat comes irritaded screams
Don´t you hear my anger?
Out of my eyes comes floods of tears
Don´t you see my sorrow?
Out of my arms comes claiming hugs
Don´t you feel my fear?

I are and will always be
Trapped in this meaningless cage of lonlyness
I are and will always be

Angry,sad and scared
I can scream until my throat tears apart
I can cry until I drown
I can clame until I bleed
But I can´t pretend anymore


I´m not alive..I´m dead

Leave me here to bleed

Cut my throat and leave me here to bleed
Being punished is just what I need
For something I haven´t done...well do believe
The one you should blame is me
Everything I do is wrong
Even the things I don´t do is wrong, it´s been like this for so long
I don´t have anything to give, I´m not worth anything
I´m nothing, I wish I was something
So cut my throat and leave me here to bleed
Being punished is just what I need...

Cut my throat and leave me here to bleed Being punished is just what I need For something I haven´t done...well do believe The one you should blame is me Everything I do is wrong Even the things I don´t do is wrong, it´s been like this for so long I don´t have anything to give, I´m not worth anything I´m nothing, I wish I was something So cut my throat and leave me here to bleed Being punished is just what I need...

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I´m a doll of glass

I was a princess until the day I died, I was six...
Then I became a plastic doll
That everyone was just playing with...a doll who was often ignored
Now I´m a doll of glass
And I´m easy to break
But today I´ve drawn the lines
It´s time fore you all to learn my rules
I´ll never be ignored again!!!!!!!!

You opened the door to my heart

I tried to close the door upon my heart
I didn´t want to let anyone in
I had trusted and loved only to get hurt
And I don´t want that to happen again

But then you came into my life
And made me change my mind

You opened the door to my heart so fast
And now I really want this to last
Cause you make me so happy, make me feel so strong
I never tought I would love again but you proved me wrong

Accept me for who I am

Suicide is far to painless
Atleast if you are like me, so faithless
I can´t feel a thing as the razors tuch my skin
I´m always hungry, I´m trying to starve myself thin
I want to see my bones beneath my skin
Cause they all screamed: Hey fatty! Is it fun to be ugly?or something like that..it hurted me, it did so now I´m getting thin
Yeah, you´ll see!
I´m not the fat, ugly girl I used to be
If you stare, I stare right back
Cause I aint gonna take it anymore
Your hurting words that kept me down for so long, and what for!?
Did it make you feel big? so great and strong?
If you really think so, then you are oh so fucking wrong
And now I have the voice to protest
I can finaly say what´s in my mind
But still I can´t forget what so many said..
And it doesn´t help that daddy still complains
You eat to much!
You are to thin!
well I guess I can´t do anything right, I´m never good enough
And still you wonder why I hate you
Why I left you all alone
I´m sorry daddy!
But I can´t live with someone who´s always pushing me down
Keeps crying in my knees, and gets drunk everyday..
That´s why I walked away!
You and so many more made me so insecure
I could never say no..I always did what everyone wanted me to do
But that´s over now
I´m not going to listen to any of you again
Your voices are to fucking vain
So now I scream so for the first time you can hear me

THIS IS WHO I AM AND I`M NOT GOING TO CHANGE!

Do you?

Do you really love me? Or was it just a lie? Am I just a doll? Something you can play with? I´m tired of being used I can´t take anymore lies Cause that´s all that I´ve got For my hole life Do I really mean anything to you? Or am I just like everyone else? Am I the only one? Or are you sleeping with other girls? I´m tired of being used I can´t take anymore lies Cause that´s all that I´ve got For my hole life Do you reaylly care? Or do you never even think about me? Do you ever miss me? Or was that a lie to? I´m tired of being used I can´t take anymore lies Cause that´s all that I´ve got For my hole life

I love the violence

I have to admit that I love this violence in my head
The screaming voices, heartbreaking noises
Shadows that crawls up in my bed

They came to hurt me
To make me believe
That I don´t have a purpose, a reason to live
They keep screaming:
Kill!Kill!Kill!

But I don´t want to die, no death scares me..
Still...somehow..I love the violence
Biting, scrathing, blood is falling of my skin
I guess loving you is a deadly sin

I wish I was an angel

These scars will last forever
Never tought I could be like this, no never
I have became everything I hate
And to become somebodyelse is to late

I wish I was an angel
So beutiful and loved
I wish I was an angel
And not this scared girl I am
I wish I was an angel

Both my body and my sul is full of scars
I keep looking up at the stars
And wish I was somebodyelse
I have to come out of this cage, or else..

I wish I was an angel
So beutiful and loved
I wish I was an angel
And not this scared girl I am
I wish I was an angel

This is scars for life
I´m cutting out my heart with my knife
I don´t want to be myself anymore
I want to be the girl I was before


I-HATE-MYSELF!
Kill me, take me away!


I wish I was an angel
So beutiful and loved
I wish I was an angel
And not this scared girl I am
I wish I was an angel



Let me die so I can get my wings and fly away..